Resilience is all about
being able to
overcome the unexpected. Sustainability
is about survival.
The goal of resilience
is to thrive.

Jamais Cascio

Suggested reading

In order to succeed,
people need
a sense of self-efficacy,
to struggle together
with resilience
to meet
the inevitable
obstacles and
inequities of life.



Albert Bandura

Being resilient to what life throws at you, matters because you matter

Written By Susan Stubbings
Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are!
Malcolm S. Forbes


We live in a society where blame is the culture yet a lot of what happens is normal of and too the Human condition, the parts of our Humanness which is intrinsic and the unchangeable which make us equal Human Beings regardless of gender, race, culture, class, religious beliefs, personal beliefs etc.  For example, we all have a sense of curiosity, a sense of affection a sense of love; we all want to belong, we all make mistakes and we can all learn from them; our Humanness includes searching for meaning (Frankl), searching for gratification (Freud), searching for Individuation (Jung) searching for our fullest potential (Jung/Rogers/Maslow) all these concepts are central to the Human condition they and many more concepts are ‘given’ to us all as a member of the Human Race.  Life gets in the way for many of us and living doesn’t always go the way we would want or wish and living alters our ‘Human givens’ represses, suppresses, restrains or just plain holds us back by the many experiences life throws at us and for some of us we just survive, just exist in life rather than living a life which is steeped and rich in meaning, purpose and joy.  Nevertheless, the ‘givens’ are still innate for the taking for each individual person equally.

Bereavement will happen to each and every one of us sometime in our life and several times over as parents, grandparents, friends, neighbours and colleagues succumb to unavoidable death sadly some sooner than later.

As each of us know the  loss of some one who we are close to, who we share our daily life with  and have an intimate  and innate experience.  The death of a spouse, a parent, a child, a friend or even a therapist.  is and can be  difficult to come to terms with and accept.

One thing which is also evident is that ‘change’ is inevitable the world does not stay the same, our communities do not stay the same, our families do not stay the same and we do not stay the same.

A sobering thought!
The final equaliser in life is the fact that one day we will all die, death is inescapable.  Not one of us here  will get out of life alive!

Life shapes us, life takes us to places we never could imagine going to and in life and in our living we all experience life changing events so how do we learn to not sweat the small stuff?

By strengthening what is known as our ‘resilience’ to living!

So what is resilience anyway and why does it matter?

According to Al Siebert, PhD – The verb for resilience is “resile” (ree-zil), as in “the people best suited for today’s world of non-stop change are able to resile.”

The word resile has existed as a legitimate word for thousands of years.  It is derived from the Latin word “resilíre” meaning “to leap back”

Resilience (noun) or Resiliency (noun)

Able to recover quickly from misfortune; able to return to original form after being, bent, compressed, or stretched out of shape.  A human ability to recover quickly from disruptive change, or misfortune without being overwhelmed or acting in dysfunctional or harmful ways.  Source & copyright   http://resiliencycenter.com

Since resilience is a verb it intimates that some sort of action is required to ‘become it’
And whilst we accept that when we are bereaved of our precious loved one there is no ‘leaping back’ to where we were when they were alive the leaping back here is to the innate Human Givens all those concepts which make us Human i.e. sense of curiosity, affection, love, our innate searching for belonging, security, safety, meaning, purpose and for our individual fullest-potential. 

Being resilient to what life throws at us matters because you matter, we are each a unique and precious individual with unique gifts to offer the world and other human Beings around us! 

“The difference between time and space is that you can’t reuse time” - Merrick Furst

Therefore use your time wisely, make each moment count and make a positive difference even if and especially if that difference is to enrich your own way of Being.


How far you reach your fullest potential is a choice you make for yourself.
If you wish to know more about how to build your resiliency skills counselling is a safe place for you to explore confusion, disorientation, fear and pain.  To move forward and build emotional reciliency for the future  contact me today for experienced, compassionate caring support.
Susan Stubbings Doncaster